As I sat and choked on a tiny morsel of my breakfast this morning, at work, I was convinced someone was going to rush and attempt the Heimlich on me. Which would have been a fail. See, the only thing about any sort of forced pressure being put on my body, ANYWHERE, is that the aftermath is typically... well...unexpected. Well unexpected to the witness, not so much me. For instance, if I laugh to hard I pee my pants. When I cough, I tinkle a little. When I sneeze, I fart. Now, imagine if someone were to put the pressure of producing such a gust of air from my stomach to my throat, what kind of results would spew out.
Basically, what I'm saying is this. If you are ever around and I start choking, let me die. No one should have to be around to see what sort of secretions are released, let alone where they are released from.
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One of the admins walked over to me at 8:44 am to ask what type of day it was going to be. I told her it was too soon to tell, so she should come back. She said,"No. That's cheating. You have to tell me before 9." The conversation ended like this:
Her: Ok. Decide like this. Heads it's good, tails it's bad.
Me: No... I need more time.
Her: Heads or tails?!
Me: Let me pop a few pills and it will be heads sort of day.
Her: HAHAHAH! Your so funny.
One, she actually cheated because no sort of coin was produced to perform Heads or Tails. And two, I'm highly upset she didn't understand the seriousness of my pills comment. Basic!
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When a woman spends an excessive amount of time in the toilet, I think she's doing one of two things. 1. Losing 5lbs through a daily dump or 2. Changing her personals.
Now when a man spends an excessive amount of time in the bathroom, what does one assume he's doing? I automatically go to releasing the aftermath of Indian food for lunch, but I could be wrong.
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